Jude’s Eclectic Resources

I recently lost my Son to cancer, he was 38 years old and was diagnosed July 08 and lived till December 29th, 08, the saddest day of my life. He was in the hospital at the same time his Son was born on August 1st. I was fortunate that I was able to stand by my Son’s side when the baby was born and it was the proudest moment of his life. All he wanted was a little time to see his Son grow, God gave him 5 months.

The saddest thing any parent will ever go through is to see your child in pain and not be able to do anything about it, but pray. I know prayer can be very potent and there is always hope, but when the inevitable happens and your child dies then you kind of shrivel up inside. I would never blame God for not answering my prayer because I didn’t ask for a miracle just for courage to face what might happen when it did.

God did answer that prayer and I did have courage to face it as my Son did. He wasn’t conscious at the end so he didn’t have time to be afraid. He did have questions about what might happen at the exact moment of crossing and I told him what I thought would happen since I had witnessed my Mother and Father’s death and they were not afraid. He seemed to have no regrets about his life and appreciated all the prayers and energy people sent his way.

He was in a lot of pain and I hated seeing and knowing how he was suffering, but at least he achieved his dearest wish of having a Son before he left this reality and although I will probably always grieve for him I’m glad he has finally returned to his true source and is finally at peace, no more suffering or pain. Just knowing his child has a part of him inside will be enough to sustain me until it’s my time to relinquish my hold and also return to the source.

This has been a sunless dreary day and for the life of me I can’t muster up any energy to get anything done. I have tried working online, but I just keep flitting from one project to the next and I can’t focus on anything. I did manage to put my Christmas tree up and get that decorated and put together some ham and bean soup for dinner.

Holidays can be very depressing for many because the anticipation and getting everything done when you don’t have the money and this year is especially bad for so many. I have a sickness in my family and it’s very depressing for me right now. I simply try to cope on a day to day basis and learn to accept things out of my control, but it’s very hard knowing that you could lose that loved one at any minute.

At this point in my life I have decided that nothing makes sense to me and it doesn’t help knowing that I have started drinking again excessively and that I have an addictive personality because I like it. It seems to blur everything for me for awhile, but I know it only makes me more depressed and I know it’s killing my liver, but right now I don’t seem to care.

I have made a few resolutions, but I don’t tend to put those into effect till after the New Year. No one knows what tomorrow will bring and at this point in time I really don’t care. I just felt like putting these words out in cyberspace doesn’t really matter if anyone reads them, but me. Everyone deals with grief in their own way, death should be fast not linger and cause everyone so much pain.

I told you about my niece awhile back and how lucky she was to be alive after having her throat slashed while she lay asleep on her sofa. Violent Crimes Against Our Loved Ones and Killer Brought To Justice. This attack happened last year and when I came back this past week Bill showed me the front page news of our local papers. I have only added the one encase you want to read more about it plus the graph where he committed his crimes.

He is considered a serial killer and is now being held in NJ on charges and PA is waiting their time to get a hold of him. They seem to have a strong case against him because Patty was able to pick him out of a line up and also a neighbor had found black gloves which proved to have his DNA and my niece’s blood on them. Now this is scary stuff because this type of thing always seems to happen to other people not your own family.

As I have mentioned before I am very grateful for my attack dogs, well actually they might lick someone to death, but their bark is enough to scare people away and with all the home invasions going on I just feel safer with my beloved animals. I’m not use to adding graphics with this version of Wordpress so I have no clue if they will work right. I can’t even get the window to load higher so I can see what I’m doing.

At any rate since we never know when doom and gloom will occur we should always let our family and friends know how much we love them. Just click on the picture to enlarge and then click again, Wordpress confuses me..

No one ever promised me that life would be a bed of roses and I know how unfair things work out for some people, but sometimes when they happen to us they just don’t seem real or maybe we just go into a state of denial. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life since my son was diagnosed with small cell stage 4 cancer and so has he.

Many of us take so much for granted in the life we live and others have learned to appreciate each day given. I know I have been guilty of taking things for granted for way too long and until some sort of tragedy happens in our life we simply mosey along without much thought. I am now forced to face my mortality along with my sons and it’s not a very easy task.

We all know that any of us can depart this life at anytime and that there are no guarantees for any of us, but we also understand that if we live a healthy life that our chances of living a long full rich life is enhanced. When someone you know and love is afflicted with an incurable, fatal disease and all you can do is stand by and watch and pray for a miracle, that is the most helpless feeling in the world.

I was surprised how much designer names mean to the younger crowd and if you don’t have certain things with the designer name on then you just aren’t happening. We can afford to buy certain things, but since we are older we have gotten a bit frugal and kind of forgot what it means to be young and fit in with everyone. We always buy name brands for our children and Grandkids though.

Estella started out as a small store of unique clothing for babies and children, but has grown into something more unique that celebrities and others are seeking out. They avoid trends that others push and create their own because they believe in being a leader instead of a follower and they see your children the same, so they like to create for the leaders of the future.

These are luxury toys and luxury baby gifts that most of us drool over and as many of you know I am going to be a Nana again both for Bill’s daughter and my first time for my biological son. He has tried so many times and been disappointed and now he’s 38 with a newborn coming in August hopefully on my birthday, but I wont hold my breath.

We have gotten use to buying for Bills’ children  because they put their requests in at certain stores and if you don’t buy something great then what kind of parent or Grandparent are you? I noticed that all Grandparents try to out do each other because they want to be the special ones and if they put in a request at Estella’s I’m sure we would spend our money there because we don’t want to be the cheap ones.

So if we want to stand out then we need to be unique and  and purchase something from Estella in New York.