My son and I have had many ups and downs in our life and as I mentioned before I thought when the baby came we could mend some of our fences so to speak and maybe become closer. I know he adores that baby and wants everyone else to feel the same way he does. The first night he met his wife he came home and told me that he had met the future wife of my grandchildren and after losing one baby in the beginning, here he finally is 5 years later.
Since they live 12 hours away from me it will make it very difficult to form a bond with my new grandchild. I have always thought of my son as a bit of a tyrant even when he was small he wanted to be the ruler and of course we clashed many times over the years. He has a tendency to think his way is the only way and of course now that he is the ruler what he says goes in his home and I have found myself biting my tongue many times because I don’t agree with him.
In order to even try to forge a bond I have to keep my mouth shut and simply agree with everything he says when we visit and believe me that’s not an easy thing for me to do. When he was growing up I refused to take up for him when he was wrong or did something he wasn’t suppose to be doing. I have known Mothers that blindly take up for their children even when they were wrong and it just didn’t sit right with me so of course we clashed.
My son is bipolar so life was never a picnic for either one of us. Anyone ever diagnosed as manic depressive will certainly understand. I love my son very much and I’m not perfect and I try to admit my mistakes and move on, but he can’t seem to let go of the past history of our clashes and everytime we are together it manages to come between us so we are like strangers and I end up walking on egg shells just so I can avoid arguments and try to mend those fences so I can get to know my grandchild.
He will probably take that anger to the grave with him and that makes me very sad, but other than prayer it’s out of my hands.
