The Beauty Denominator

Family is very important and a lot of times in our adult life we lose touch with our siblings and others that we grew up with because we are so busy. We get absorbed in doing the best we can to take care of our spouse and kids, deal with issues of finance and career and all the other worries of our life.

My family has never been close, but after looking back at my life as a lot of seniors do after reaching retirement years some of us realize that the relationships we might have had with our siblings is not as close as it could have been.

My family situation is one that is being worked on because we have always been dysfunctional and the only sibling that I am close to is my older brother which is the only brother I have left. So many issues with my sisters have left us uncommunicative.

I’m sure there are many out there that have lost touch with their first family, premarriage and kids because of the hustle and bustle of living and that’s easily fixed, but many lose touch with siblings and family because of resentments caused by an insult or we feel slighted and deliberately decide to cut them out of our life.

Of course we will feel remorse and a desire to rebuild those bonds when we get older that we put aside so many years ago for whatever the reason may have been, but is it too late? Is there any way to make things right especially if they have moved away and you don’t even exchange greetings during holidays or you haven’t seen each other in years.

This effort to reconnect with family before it’s too late is going to take some courage, but there is something about our golden years that make us want to put past resentments and broken relationships behind us and make things right again before it’s too late to say I’m sorry.

If you’re trying to make things right then maybe they would like that also, but haven’t known how to go about it after all these years. I would suggest easing into it especially if you have an address and phone number, try sending a greeting card at first because it’s easier. Simply buy a nice card with a pleasant or funny message and write a couple lines in there.

If you are aware of his or her birthday or important dates in their life, a card to recognize that event will be a good start to rekindling and rebuilding that bridge with your sibling. I know many people keep a close and loving relationship with their siblings all through life, but it’s not always like that for everyone.

Make sure the card you send has your current address, phone number, and e-mail if you have one, you want to make sure your sibling has all that information handy so they can respond to your reconciliation gesture and with your card coming out of the blue, they will probably need some time to absorb it all.

I wouldn’t push the issue after all you waited this long and if your brother or sister does decide to write, call or e-mail then you know you’ve made the right start and hopefully it will only be a matter of time so be sure to send another card and enclose a personal letter about your life and what is going on with you. It’s always good to remind them of some special antidotes of the good times you shared when you were kids.

You might wonder when the time will be right for the “big apology” and the emotional release of all those resentments. From experience I can tell you to keep building that bridge. You always hear the expression, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, but if the bridge isn’t built then you can’t cross it.

Just keep your correspondence going and kick it to the next level with a once a month phone call.  Again, keep those calls light, social, funny and warm.   Catch up with each other and send your love through your sibling to their spouse and children.  This extends the act of reconciliation to your sibling’s family who can be a powerful force to help the process along.

Finally arrange a visit.  And it will be during that visit, after some nice times together, some hugs and laughter with his or her spouse and kids and maybe a couple glasses of wine that you and your brother or sister can bring up the hurt feelings and put those resentments to rest once and for all.

You will feel so much lighter in heart and spirit when you are no longer carrying those hard feelings.  And by going into your retirement years with your relationships restored and bridges rebuilt, you are going a long way toward guaranteeing yourself a happier and more peaceful life in your golden years.