Beauty Denominator

This post is for the older generation like myself and Bill and since it’s on my mind I thought I would address this issue and concern because although I am retired from the working force Bill has a few more years left before he wants to retire and it’s thanks to him that I am not completely stressed out by having to continue working. It’s nice to be able to work if you want to not when you have to, however I do keep my license in good standing encase I decide to open a shop.

I’m sure everyone at some point in their life has looked forward to some great event or adventure and had it built up so much in their mind that when that day finally came it was somehow a big let down. I always try not to anticipate as much anymore and try to live in the moment because when all of those expectations don’t come to pass and I come face to face with the reality and if it didn’t line up with my dreams and hopes I was always disappointed.

I know a lot of adults that are guilty of letting dreams and images of a golden time ahead get the better of them. We often develop a mythology of how retirement will be when we get there and when that retired life actually starts, there are some real, down to earth adjustments that need to be made. So if you can know some of the hidden dangers of retirement in advance, it is so much better to go into retirement with your eyes open and have realistic expectations.

There are two negative reactions to the sudden shift of lifestyle in retirement which I know about and they are loneliness and boredom. Even if you are going to be home all the time, there is no question that once you stop going to an office or having regular responsibilities, you can often feel a sense of loss and grief because you miss the people, the regular human contact and the fun of being out and that can result in loneliness that can get pretty chronic. I still miss my friends, we are on different schedules so we don’t get together like we use to.

For men especially the feeling of boredom can also set in pretty fast when the challenge of the work world goes away. In a lot of cases, men live for their jobs and when that world goes away, there is a sense of disorientation and not knowing what to do with themselves that is disconcerting for the family and for the retired man himself. You may have been looking forward to a less stressful life only to find that it was the stress that makes you tick and without it, you feel adrift in life with no direction or goals.

Both of these problems can be addressed by not letting your retirement life be to idle, at least not at first. You can fill your life up with volunteering, getting busy with family or by getting involved socially with other retired people. One area of volunteering that can go a long way to replace the gratification of the work place is to work with habitat for humanity to help build homes for people who cannot afford a home any other way. Both retired married partners can find ways to pitch in and it gets you out with people doing things that are worthwhile.

Give yourself time to get used to the idea of retirement and to the new lifestyle. It should be a simpler lifestyle because your responsibilities are reduced and you have more time on your hands. Be aware that if you and your spouse are suddenly around each other every day and every hour of the day, that is going to create new stresses which can also qualify as a hidden danger of retirement. By being aware that this is not the fault of either spouse but a natural reaction. The best response is just to get out and do things separately and create that natural space you are both used to more often.

There will be a natural down time when you first retire and treat the first month like vacation. But don’t stay on vacation. Let your ambition and zest for life find new outlets. It will be fun and exciting to see where it takes you and that is what retirement is all about. I know Bill looks forward to his weekends and when it’s nice we ride the bike, but a lot of times he simply doesn’t know what to do with himself and when he starts pacing it makes me anxious for him and then I start worrying about how he will fill in his time when he retires.

I have the house and working on the computer, so we have at least 2 years to figure out different ways to coexist without getting on each others nerves although I dearly love him, everyone needs their space and I usually have all the space I need. I’m sure everything will be fine, but I have seen couples have some real trauma when they actually come face to face with something they have been dreaming about all their lives and when those golden years get there they fall apart.